POTO: A Modern Musical
by BSKV
Summary: I had the strangest idea to turn popular, modern songs into POTO-themed lyrics, and hopefully, humor ensues.
1. Box No 5

**I don't know why, but I decided to rewrite popular songs as POTO parodies as a refreshing change of pace from my more serious fiction. Let me know what you think.**

**(Set to the music of "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega)**

**Box No. 5**

This is the O.G. from box no. 5!

One, two, three, four, five  
Everybody in the opera, if you want to survive  
Keep the box empty that's in the corner  
I can drop this chandelier  
But I really don't wanna

Props falling, like you had last week  
I must stay deep, cause talk is cheap  
I like pun-jabs, accidents, death-notes, and letters  
If you don't hear from me, then you know you're doing better

So what should you do? 20,000's what you can afford  
Bad things happen when I am ignored  
Anything fly, it's all good I'll admit  
But I'm the reason the old manager quit

A little bit of orders to abide  
A little bit of threatening to cause you strife  
A little bit of money is all I need  
A little bit of box 5 so I can see  
A little bit of croaking and Carlotta's done  
A little bit of Christine, cause she's the one  
A little bit of negligence and here I am  
A little bit of cape-swishing, just because I can

Look up and down, because I'm all around  
Listen to the sound  
But nowhere can I be found  
Take one step left  
And one step right  
But you'll soon find out that I am not in sight  
Ignore me once, or ignore me twice  
But for you it won't be a pleasant night

A little bit of orders to abide  
A little bit of threatening to cause you strife  
A little bit of money is all I need  
A little bit of box 5 so I can see  
A little bit of croaking and Carlotta's done  
A little bit of Christine, cause she's the one  
A little bit of negligence and here I am  
A little bit of cape-swishing, just because I can

I do all I do  
Just to scare a nincompoop like you  
You can't run and you can't hide  
But if you listen to me, then the opera will thrive


	2. Erik Got Cape (I Like Big Capes)

**(Set to the music of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot)**

**Erik Got Cape**

I like big capes and I cannot lie  
All you phans can't deny  
That when I walk in with a swish of my cape  
You begin to appreciate  
Don Juan

Wanna rewind that scene  
Cause you know you wanna scream  
Due to the pants I'm wearing  
You're hooked and you can't stop staring

Oh baby!  
You want to get with me  
And rewrite history

Giry tried to warn me  
But Raoul's style is just too corny

Oh, small patch of chest skin  
You want to see it again?  
Well pause it, pause it  
Because you know you wanna applaud it

You've seen Raoul prancin'  
But it's me you ought to be romancin'  
I'm sweat'n, upset, and sexy in a duet

I'm tired of magazines  
Saying viscounts are the thing  
Take the average phan and ask her that  
He's gotta wear a mask

So ladies? Yeah?  
Ladies? Yeah?  
Should the phantom wear a cape?  
Oh, yeah!

Then swish it, swish it, swish that big black cape

Erik got cape


	3. All About Box Five

**(Set to the tune of "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor)**

**All About Box Five**

Because I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Not elsewhere  
I'm all about box five, bout box five  
I won't share  
I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Don't you dare  
I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Not elsewhere

Yeah, it's pretty clear  
Box 5's the place to be  
I tried the other seats  
I was in misery

Cuz I got that sweet spot  
That all the guests chase  
All the right sounds in all the right places

I see the managers  
Working that ticketbooth  
They try to sell it out  
But they really have no clue  
Box 5 is always mine, why can't I get it through?  
That when I sit in that seat all the music is sublime

Yeah, Christine always told me "Don't worry about your seat"  
I said "But there's no way any other place can compete"  
No, I won't compromise on this one simple, small request  
So if they don't want trouble, obeying me would be best

Because I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Not elsewhere  
I'm all about box five, bout box five  
I won't share  
I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Don't you dare  
I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Not elsewhere

So I'll be coming back  
Go tell the managers just where I'll be at  
It's where I've always sat  
I'm here to tell them that if they think they can refuse me, then they surely must be mad

Yeah, Christine always told me "Don't worry about your seat"  
I said "But there's no way any other place can compete"  
No, I won't compromise on this one simple, small request  
So if you don't want accidents, listening to me would be best

Because I'm all about box five, bout box five  
Not elsewhere


	4. One Less, One Less Vicomte (Problem)

**(Set to the tune of "One Less Problem" by Ariana Grande)**

**One Less, One Less Vicomte (Problem)**

It's O.G.!

We got one less Vicomte without him  
One less, one less  
Problem

Hey, Raoul, you know I really hate ya  
Wanna get rid of ya  
It's so true  
That I'll never really forgive ya  
Don't really want ta  
Cuz it's you

You're a big crybaby  
You drive me crazy  
When I see your hair I wanna cut it  
Cuz no one likes it  
Or wants to

Head in the clouds  
Hair flowing down to your shoulders  
You should be wiser  
And realize that we've got

One less problem without ya  
We've got one less Vicomte without ya  
One less Vicomte without ya  
We've got one less, one less problem (X2)

You don't even deserve a close-up  
I want to throw up  
When you chew  
I want to give you a really big smack  
Whenever you snack  
You have no clue

You should really start to flee  
Running like a wild banshee  
Because you're a bit too zealous  
I'm really jealous  
So say "Adieu!"

Head in the clouds  
Hair flowing down to your shoulders  
You should be wiser  
And realize that we've got

One less problem without ya  
We've got one less Vicomte without ya  
One less Vicomte without ya  
We've got one less, one less problem (X2)

It's O.G.! Uh!  
What you got?

Smart money bettin'  
She'll be better off without you  
In no time  
She'll be forgettin' all about you  
You sayin' that you know  
But I really really doubt you  
Understand that the whole world  
Isn't all about you

O.G.  
You better flee and be stressin'  
Cuz she probably likes the thought of you  
More than she likes your presence  
And the best thing now  
Is probably for you to exit  
I'll let you go  
Don't come back  
And I hope you'll learn your lesson  
No half-steppin'  
I'm for real, I'm not playin'  
You better listen to me good  
And best believe me when I'm sayin'  
There's a million you's, so shoo  
So don't be dumb  
I got 99 problems  
But you won't be one  
Like what!


End file.
